


Empty Space

by RavenAurelieChoiseau



Category: Twenty One Pilots, Tysh - Fandom, joshler - Fandom
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bar, Barebacking, Bartenders, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Brothers, Declarations Of Love, Denial of Feelings, Drinking, Drunken Confessions, Falling In Love, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Forbidden, Forbidden Love, Guilt, Kissing, Lap Sex, Love, Love Bites, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Reflection, Remorse, Scratching, Secrets, Self-Reflection, Shame, forbidden feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2020-08-19 07:54:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20206315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenAurelieChoiseau/pseuds/RavenAurelieChoiseau
Summary: Jordan has a terrible secret which puts Tyler in a compromising position. Things are not always as they seem.





	1. Voices Within

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been on my mind for a while. It's written from a strange place, not my usual fics, but I needed to get it out.  


  
_“I don’t see you, you’re not in every window I look through_  
_And I don’t miss you, you’re not in every single thing I do._  
_ I don’t think we’re meant to be and you are not the missing piece_  
_ I won’t hear it whenever anybody says your name_  
_ And I won’t feel it even when I’m bursting into flames_”

_-_

Jordan divides his focus between Sal and his own refracted reflection in the glass he’s been babysitting for a while. It’s still cool to the touch, condensation beading down and wetting the pads of his fingers. He lifts it to his lips and savors the last of the bitter, hoppy tang on his tongue.  
  
A James Arthur song comes on in the background, the second one in the first 30 ad-free minutes of the bar’s Spotify rotation. What did Sal pick, _Broken Heart_?  
  
Jesus Christ. With each word sung Jordan’s black eyes sting.  
“_You walked into the room and now my heart has been stolen_  
_ You took me back in time to when I was unbroken_  
_ Now you’re all I want_  
_ And I knew it from the very first moment_  
_ ‘Cause a light came on when I heard that song and I want you to sing it again”_

  
Fringe lashes bat furiously against the welling moisture, like hummingbird wings caught in an unexpected rainstorm.  
_“Could I be the one you talk about in all your stories? _  
_ Can I be him?_”  
  
Jordan picks up his empty glass thoughtfully, holding it level with his face. Squinting through it sideways, he can discern the images forming… a reel of forbidden desires that his brain cannot impede.  
Who knew a glass could become a crystal ball of personal shame. 

-

His skin is so soft against Jordan’s cheek. Liquid velvet. He must have shaved just prior.  
God how can he feel this good?!

Cool air prickles his skin only where his body isn’t pressed into his lover, the touch incandescent within and without.  
The heat... its scalding desire racing through his veins. Every part of him is alive with sensation and the taste of the other’s musk is still fresh and briny on his lips.  
The scent of body spray and arousal is inebriating and makes the inside of his nose itch.

They’ve started, the fireworks behind Jordan’s eyelids.

He exposes his neck in offering as he guides the molten sex deeper inside. Eager thighs spread further and an almost imperceptible twitch to his muscles makes Jordan’s back arch into the thrusts.

His lover moans in response, a plump lower lip tucked behind brilliantly white teeth.  
“Jordan, Jesus...”

One curled hand disappears into a mess of black waves, twisting into them and lifting lifting lifting Jordan’s hungry mouth until it meets his and...

Jordan screams the name and it cuts through the fog of his mind, forcing their mouths open with brazen desire.

“Take me, harder...” Jordan begs against slick, bruised lips. A roll of slim hips encourages. “Please.”

It’s the ache behind the _please _that sends the other into a tailspin. Jordan wants, gives and his lover takes, consumes.  
Jordan’s strong jaw is possessed by his lover’s tongue, by his teeth, a needy exploration of his neck marking it with red stripes.  
The teasing nips leave a cool minty freshness against Jordan’s delicate dermis, the peppermint gum he was chewing a tiny lump still lodged into the soft of the other man’s cheek.

Candy cane love but it’s not Christmas. Perdition is nothing to celebrate.

-

Jordan’s sweat slicks his body... salty for a pinch here and a pinch there. The recipe of their ecstasy calls for more.  
He’s swung up into his lover’s arms, and with a quick tug Jordan rides him raw on his lap. The backs of his thighs press in, kneading fingers sliding over sleek flesh.  
The wet, crimson trail along Jordan’s carotid invites the man to bury his mouth in the hollow of his collarbone.   
Jordan’s body is no longer his own. The hard planes of the muscles enfolding him take away the emptiness, filling him with throbbing member.  
The boy writhes against him in want, goosebumps clothing their bare skin. Fingers dial just the right numbers, knowing when to caress and when to claw.

“Jordan,” The familiar voice mewls, a drop of murky eyes letting their gazes meet. Earth meets the color of a river during spring melt.

Jordan’s breath hitches when he sees himself mirrored in those lustful eyes.

His lover is predator and Jordan is prey and now they’re both hunting the same thing: release. The other’s is more immediate. Jordan fights for it harder, chases breathless the insurmountable need to be the hunter’s.  
Even if just for one night.

Jordan breaks first, his cum a cresting wave climbing the dip of his chest, as if beckoned by the pull of the tide. It’s the same effect his lover has on him: an undeniable and irresistible pull that defies gravity and above all, reason.

The muddy-haired man comes next, chest heaving gluey against Jordan’s. His hot breath tickles his lobe just enough to send shivers through them both.

“Oh god Jordan... Jordan...“

-

“Jordan!” The bartender screams. “You all right? Whatever you’re looking for ain’t at the bottom of that glass, kid.”  
Jordan snaps his gaze upward, shakes his head to remove the last wicked frame.  
“I know. I was... day dreaming.” The gravel in his voice won’t budge from his Adam's apple.

Sal tilts his head, one amber eyebrow cocking. The light peppering of his hair with silver makes him look like he’s got a head full of foil chocolate wrappers.  
“What’s goin’ on, Jordan? It ain’t like you to drink so much let alone look so sad.”

Breathing lightly between parted lips, Jordan reaches for a napkin and shrugs. How could he even begin to explain this? And above all… he’d never reveal his terrible secret to a stranger.  
He stays vague, swallowing back the sick climbing up his half-closed throat.  
“It’s complicated. I’m stuck in a shitty situation. An impossible one, actually. And the only person suffering is me and I think I enjoy feeling this way. Like I deserve to suffer because what I feel is SO wrong and... I shouldn’t be feeling these emotions to begin with.”  
His hands clench and unclench in a confession of … ambiguous nothing.  
  
Sal’s strong fingers twist the rag into the glass, nursing it against his massive chest. He squints.  
“You ain’t making much sense, kid.”

“I know,” Jordan answers as he drops his head, sullen. _I haven’t been making sense for a long time now. _

“I’ve been tending bar long enough to know... you’re in love with someone who don’t love you back.”  
Wow. Bartenders are nothing if not intuitive, Jordan thinks sarcastically.  
“Sorta. Yeah.”

“I’ve been round the sun a few times. Take it from a fool... the right person is out there. Sometimes we think we know what we want, what’s best for us... but we don’t. Cuz we’re too blinded by our feelings, you know? So we close ourselves off to the love that might be right in front of us all along but we just never considered because we get hung up on the wrong people.”

If only it were that easy, Jordan thinks. Sal has no idea what he’s been through… what he’s _been_ going through.  
The guilt searing through his chest… the indigestion of his feelings causing him literal cramps and physical pain.  
Sal couldn’t know what a piece of shit Jordan actually is, by his own admission. Pining for years… staring up at ceilings in darkness with owlish eyes full of longing. Night after night of willing these feelings to go away only for it to get worse. WORSE!  
Jesus how much of an asshole am I to even think these things?! he wonders more often that he can count.  
  
Watching the person he loves be with the true love of his life… the _rightful_ love of his life… Jordan knows they belong together but it’s still painful as fuck. Tyler and Josh are perfect for each other. Fucking perfect. This is clear even to his twisted brain.  
Yet his heart burns because it knows nothing of reason. His dick gets hard every night for the guy he can’t have, _shouldn’t have_, and Jordan twists it on the length and yanks it just like his guts get twisted up inside him and…  
Hot tears and hot cum stain his sheets every night.  
  
If disgrace had a name Jordan believes it would be his.  
  
“When did you get to be so wise, Sal?”

Sal chuckles, moving his massive shoulders somewhat fatalistically. His round periwinkle eyes sparkle.  
“Well… I’m old for starters. And I’m Italian.”  
There it is. Such a tiny shrug for such a huge man.

Leaning his heavy head into his palm, Jordan slowly weaves a couple fingers into his waves.  
“It’s hard, Sal. Everything about this is wrong. Morally…” he slides into his signature “I should know better” slouch.

“How long have you had feelings for this person?”  
“7 years.”  
“Porca miseria.” _Crap_.   
A customer steps up in the meantime and Sal swaps him out an empty bottle of Bud with a full one. The dead one falls into the recycling bin with a clang.  
“And they don’t love you back?”

Jordan shifts uncomfortably in his chair, like he’s sitting on thorns.  
“He doesn’t know. And he’d never even if he did. He’s madly in love with someone close to me. They belong together. They’re... perfect for each other.”

“Well that’s quite the pickle.”

“That’s an understatement,” Jordan murmurs through an old man’s sigh.  
  
Wiping the counter with round sweeps, Sal points a fat finger to the heavens with his free hand.  
“My dear mother, God rest her soul, used to say something when these situations came about. She’d quote one of her favorite authors, Italo Calvino. She’d say ‘Salvatore, ricordati... Se infelice è l’innamorato che invoca baci di cui non sa il sapore, mille volte più infelice è chi questo sapore gustò appena e poi gli fu negato.”   
  
“Translation?”

“In a word, if you think you’re sad because you’d love to kiss the person you love, just think how shitty it feels to kiss them and then be denied that love right after. Sometimes a hopeless love, Jordy, is just that... hopeless for a reason.”

Sal can’t imagine how much he’s right. “She was a wise woman, too, Sal.. Must be where you get it from.”

A smile carves across the bartender’s broad, kind face. “Yeah, she was. Also made the best damn cannoli I’ve ever tasted.”  
Cupping his chin with his hands, Jordan leans into the bar. “So the moral is, shut up and get over it, right? I mean I know that’s what I need to be doing. It’s the right thing.”  
  
“Listen kid, I can’t tell ya how to feel or how to act. I’ve been there. Deanna Donatello... I was in middle school. She had hair the color of copper in the sunlight and a smile that- sorry.”  
Sal checks himself, waving his mind into silence. “This ain’t about me. I don’t want to see ya get hurt or sit here night after night being sad. Know what I mean? You’re a smart, good-lookin’ kid who’s never banked on his brother bein’ famous, and that’s admirable. Someone will come along who deserves your love and who deserves to be yours and yours alone. _Capisc_?”

Jordan raises the glass to his parched mouth with a shaky hand before forgetting it’s empty.  
“Capisc. Yeah. I know you’re right.”  
“I’m Sicilian. I know I’m right,” Sal simpers.  
  
Pushing the jar to the edge of the dispenser, Jordan indicates it with his head.  
“Hey, can I get a shot, Sal?”

“You’re lookin off, Jordan. Let me get you a coffee instead.”

Stretching out both hands and moving them side to side, Jordan begs with his eyes.  
“Just one more, Sal. Whiskey... I’m all right I promise.”

“You need anything else?” Tommy appears from the back, startling them both. Where’d he come from Jordan wonders?

“Nah, I’m good Tommy,” Sal winks back at him.

-

The whiskey. That’s the one that tips the scales. It goes down burning and Jordan can feel it in his toes and Jesus if his head doesn’t start spinning within a minute. Everything goes dark after that.

“Jordan?” Sal touches him gently with an almost fatherly gesture of tenderness. Jordan jerks awake, a red mark on his cheek from where his palm was resting.  
“Wha… what?!”

“Jordy you fell asleep. That’s it, I’m cutting you off. Give me your keys, buddy. Come on.” Sal snaps his fingers and opens his palm.

“I’m fine, Sal,” Jordan slurs.

“I’ll tell you when you’re fine.”  
After a minute of pouring random things into a cup, Sal shakes it up and sticks it under Jordan’s nose. “Here... drink this. It’ll put hair on your chest and bring you back to the living.”

“Ew what is that!?” he cringes at the sharp smell, nostrils flaring.

“You don’t worry ‘bout it. Somethin’ from the old country. It’ll sober you up before you get home. I called you a cab.”

You don’t argue with a 270-pound Italian guy who used to box and work the door at one of the most nefarious dive bars in Colombus.

“All right. Here.” The keys drop with a jangle, clashing against the hard wood of the counter.

“I know where you live I’ll drop the car off for ya later, all right? I’ll text you with where I parked it.”

“Okay, Tommy… Tommy?!”

Jordan wonders how Tommy keeps slipping in and out from behind the bar without him noticing. 

“You get some rest, Jordan, and remember what my mother said... “ Sal suggests with a knowing look.

“Hmm-mm,” replies Jordan as he stumbles towards the door. As soon as he’s outside, a taxi pulls over to the curb. 

-

Back pressed into his door, Jordan hugs his knees. The house keys were on the car ring and if he hadn’t had that last shot he might have remembered that when he gave Sal the bunch. Now he’s drunk, sad, and locked out.

His thumb is poised on the green button.

**Josh.**

He hesitates, weighing his options. Josh is at his for sure and Tyler’s there too and...dammit he’s gonna be pissed that Jordan is fucked up.  
Shit.  
Should he...? Maybe?

Don’t do it, his inner voice says, but he’s already scrolling to the Ts. He presses before he can change his mind.

“Hello?“ A voice recognizable by millions picks up.

“Tyler please don’t say my name I don’t want Josh to know I need your help okay?” he spills in a frenzy before Tyler can say anything else.

Tyler stiffens, nodding even though Jordan can’t see him. Josh looks over and Tyler smiles faintly.  
“Hey Zack. What’s up?” he lies.

Jordan releases the tension from his sore shoulders. Tyler points to the phone and gets up slowly from the sofa. He mouths “Give me 2 seconds.”

From his perch on the couch Josh gives him a thumbs up. His legs are tucked up under him. He always looks like an adorable snuggle monster, Tyler thinks as he smiles to himself.

Redoubling his steps, Tyler crosses the living room floor and when he gets in the corridor, he whispers into his curled palm, shielding the phone.  
“What’s up, Jordan? Everything okay?”

Jordan’s eyes crinkle into a wince when he hears Tyler say his name. Jesus Christ.  
A braid of blame weaves its way up his body.

“Um..” he swallows hard. “Listen… Tyler I don’t want Josh to be mad at me. I got drunk and Sal took my keys. The house keys are on the ring so now I’m locked out.”

“Sal took your keys?!” A wrinkle furrows his brow. “How d’you get into the building?”

“Luckily my neighbor was home and buzzed me in. Listen, I need you to do me a huge favor, _please_.”

Tyler’s focus darts over to the sofa where Josh is checking his phone.

“Sure, what?“

“I gave Josh spare keys to my place. They’re in the first drawer next to the fridge. A blue moon key chain. Can you come help me get in? I’m so sorry to bother you.”  
There’s a bass drum between his ears and he shuts his eyes tight against the blinding neon light of the hallway.

This isn’t like Jordan, Tyler muses. What the heck is going on?  
“Sure, but what should I tell Josh?”

“Please don’t tell him I drank.” His hand falls loosely to his lap. Jordan tries to keep his voice from trembling.  
“Can you make something up? Like Zack needs you for an hour for something?”

“I hate lying to Josh, Jordy.” Tyler picks nervously at his sleeve.

“He’ll be so upset with me, I know I screwed up. Why ruin his night, too? PLEASE Tyler.”

“Okay, okay.” Straightening up, Tyler pushes aside better judgment. “I’ll be there in ten. Hold on a sec.”

Tyler inches over to the kitchen, the phone tucked into his hoodie pocket. He opens the fridge and grabs a water while his other hand drags open the drawer. The keys stick out among batteries, rolls of tape, and a flashlight.

He pockets them while watching Josh over his shoulder. The drummer is still engaged on his phone.

“Okay I got ‘em. I’ll be there soon, Jordan. Wait for me by your door I’ll let myself into the building.”

Jordan pushes the hair from his forehead and wipes the back of his hand across his mouth. He’s perspiring now. The prospect of seeing Tyler has his heart racing.  
“Thank you so much Tyler. I don’t know how to repay you.”

“It’s fine. Hang tight.”

Josh looks up from typing furiously. “What’s up with Zack? He okay?”

Tyler nods. He really hates lying, but this is just a white lie, right? It’s a favor to his fiancé’s brother.  
There is no need to worry Josh at this point.

“He needs my help for a minute. Something about the computer and he absolutely needs to do this thing... I think I’ll get there turn it on and off and be back here in an hour. You know how he gets. Mind waiting?“

“You want me to come with?”  
  
Heart lurching, he interjects almost too quickly. “No baby. Stay here and I’ll text you when I think I’m 30 mins out, we can order food and it’ll be here when I get back.”

“Okay Ty.” Josh’s wide grin lights up any room, and it always warms Tyler’s soul. He loves him so much it makes his tummy flutter.  
“Think you can amuse yourself without me for an hour?” he leans down for a kiss, breath catching in his throat.  
Josh leans up and Tyler swoops down to capture his lips. “I’ll figure it out. I might watch a bit of Fight Club again.”

“Oh gosh okay like you don’t know it by heart,” Tyler quips with a smirk.

“Well...” Josh throws his head back and laughs. “I have good taste.”  
Speaking of taste, Tyler lowers his mouth until his cerise lips hover just above Josh’s.  
“One more for the road.”  
  
When they break, Tyler swivels in place, grabbing his car keys from the coffee table.  
“Mexican?”  
“Mexican.”  
“I’ll be back ASAP, baby.” Tyler’s already at the door when he says it. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.”


	2. No Apologies Needed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler comes to Jordan's rescue, but not without discovering he's the object of his brother-in-law's affection. Will the men be able to get past Jordan's indiscretion?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to complete as many of my wips as possible and this one has been hanging over my head for quite some time. Hope you enjoy it!

It takes a special kind of sadness for the self-hatred to soak into your pores this much. The kind that makes you taste your misery on your tongue and pricks your lungs with every inhale.  
  
Jordan’s shoulders heave as he hiccups for air.  
_I. _ (Gasp)_  
Will_. (Gulp)  
_Never. _(Heave)  
_Be. _(Huff)  
_Loved. _(Wheeze)_  
  
_Can you be on the verge of tears if you’re already crying? he asks no one._  
  
_  
_  
Making his way down the hall, Tyler spots him huddled by the door, a ruffle of dark curls resting on his forearm. The pose reminds him so much of when Josh sits on the floor, almost folded onto himself. Some things must be genetic, he muses affectionately.  
“Jordy?”  
“Tyler!”

Jordan’s heart stutters when he comes into view, and there’s this falling-spinning around sensation when he tries to stand a moment later. It makes himself doubt he’s even anchored on dry land.  
Tyler appears like an angel of salvation, running towards him before he topples over.  
  
“Jordy whoa there! What happened?” Tyler asks with sympathetic sadness, steadying him using an outreached arm as a hook.  
Jordan’s normally vibrant eyes are red and puffy, so when he looks back at Tyler, the older man knows he’s been sobbing.

“I just had a bit too much. Do you mind...?”  
“Not at all.”  
Tyler offers a protective hand and Jordan takes it, wrapping his palm around it. As soon as he perceives the clench on his bones, he feels safe.  
  
Jesus, the warmth feels so pleasant… it’s been months since anyone’s touched him, he realizes. Jordan can’t help himself and dares press into Tyler as he guides him up.  
_I’m feeling wrung from inside out, _Jordan thinks_. I can’t go on like this. __Could you ever love me, Tyler? Could you?   
  
_  
_

Tyler manages the lock with one hand, opens the door and turns on the light to the living room.  
“Let’s get you inside.” The younger Dun molds himself against him as he crosses the threshold, circling his slim waist. That’s when he catches a whiff of Tyler’s scent and the steel ball accumulates in his tummy even more rapidly.

It’s Ty… but there’s hints of Josh on there, too.   
Jordan swallows hard and bites back tears at the meaning of it all. What makes things worse is that Tyler’s always so soft and comfortable to be around. He’s so freaking adorable Jordan wishes he could bury his head against his chest and just forget the world. _I'm a horrible person._  
  
“You need help getting to the couch?” Ty asks.  
“No, I think I’m good, Tyler,” Jordan’s scratchy voice replies. “And…_thanks for coming_.”

Nodding, Tyler gives him one of those disarming Joseph smiles. It makes him weak in the knees, literally. He plops down on the sofa with a squish of cushions.  
“I wasn’t going to leave you stranded, Jordan. I’ll get you a water. How about I make you a coffee, too?”  
  
“Thanks. Maybe later on the coffee.”  
  
Jordan doesn't need caffeine. He wants this agony to stop. He wants to sleep through the night without dreaming of his brother's fiancé in bed with him. He wants to stop daydreaming about what it would be like to ride Tyler's sex all night long. It'd be great if the torture of touching himself every morning didn't end with him tasting his own sperm, fantasizing that it's Tyler's he's sampling.   
_Will this ever go away?! _  
  
Tyler’s wearing a hoodie and dark skinny jeans, but it’s really warm in Jordan’s apartment, so he unzips it and hangs it on the barstool. Jordan notices he's wearing a tighter t-shirt than usual and the way it stretches over Tyler's back brings a strange hotness to his cheeks.  
When he takes his baseball cap off, Ty's hair is matted into a crown around his forehead. Jordan imagines running his fingers through it, mussing it up it into little waves. He'd kiss his forehead and then his eyelids and finally...   
  
Tyler catches him staring, and his brow furrows. What's gotten into him, he wonders. 

After turning on his coffee machine just in case, he crosses the room to the couch and takes a place beside Jordan. Tyler unscrews the top of the Fuji bottle he grabbed from the counter and leaves it on the coffee table.  
“Here we are. You feeling better?”  
Jordan observes his movements, the way his slim limbs extend and retract. The nearness of him gives him some comfort, a comfort which is also making his heart thunder that much faster.  
  
“What’s going on, Jordan? This isn’t like you.”  
Tyler’s hand pats his knee and then covers it. Concern mars his normally relaxed face, he’s never seen his brother-in-law so distraught.  
  
Jordan stares down at the touch, as if the spot were on fire. _   
God, please help me.  
_  
  
_

“It’s nothing. I’m just going through some stuff,” he stammers. “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.”  
He doesn’t exactly want to be dismissive, Tyler came all the way over here to save his ass from another of Josh’s scoldings… but how can he explain what’s wrong when it’s something SO AWFUL?!  
  
“I saw Tommy downstairs. Here are your keys.” They jingle as they drop from Tyler's long fingers onto the coffee table. “It’s parked in your spot. Oh, and he told me this is the fourth time Sal called you a cab in two weeks. Something is going on, Jordy. Come on. You can talk to me.”

_Can I? _Jordan can’t see past the stars in Tyler’s eyes, let alone voice his torment to his face. An inner demon screams “Yeah, there is something wrong. Terribly wrong. I’M FUCKING IN LOVE WITH YOU, TYLER!”

“It’s hit me harder lately is all. It’s a love thing. Drinking helps me forget for a while.” Tyler doesn’t notice how Jordan looks longingly over his shoulder, only to dart his gaze away as soon as he meets his.  
“What’s going on, Jordan?”

“I ... honestly… “ Is this dangerous and foolhardy indulgence worth it? Is his need for affection that self-destructive?  
“Don’t worry, Tyler.” 

Tyler can't not worry. Something’s not sitting right with him, and he knows suspicious behavior when he sees it. If he won’t talk to him, maybe he’ll talk to his brother?  
“You want me to call Josh? Have him come over?”  
The acute reply rings through the air a second later. “NO!”  
  
The cry startles Tyler and he jumps a little in his place, making one of the pillows fall over.   
Great, Jordan clearly has some issue with Josh.  
  
“Is this about Josh? Did something happen?” Now that Tyler thinks about it, Jordan has been hanging out with them less and less over the past few months. Especially since the engagement.   
  
“No. Josh and I are fine.” Lies!  
  
Jordan brings his knuckles to his creased forehead and pushes the heel of his hand into his already aching eyeballs. “I just wish all this would just stop, Ty.”  
  
Tyler shifts his weight forward, swinging around to look Jordan square in the face.  
“I’m not leaving until you talk to me. Now you’ve got me really worried, Jordy. You wish what would stop?”

This is helping tremendously. Tyler's cerise lips inches from his, looking and smelling delicious. Is he wearing cherry chapstick?!  
  
“I can’t. You wouldn’t understand,” Jordan sniffles. There’s nothing of interest on the ceiling, but not wanting Tyler to see the indignant tears threatening to moisten his eyes makes him stare up at it all the same.  
“I can try,” Tyler sibilates.  
  
Jordan slumps, almost in despair. It’s obvious Tyler’s not going to give up. “Fine," he sighs. What the hell, can his life get any worse?!  
"I’m in love with someone I can’t have and it hurts. It hurts so bad I can feel my fucking heart break even if I just think about him.”  
  
It’s a jumble of agony-coated words said in a half-whisper. Jordan wipes the tears from the corners of his damp eyes with his thumb and lets his chin drop.

“Him?” Tyler catches.  
“Yeah. Josh isn’t the only one in the family. I’m bi.”

Tyler’s immediately wondering if this is some kind of self-acceptance issue? Does Jordan hate himself because he likes men, too?  
_What the heck is this about?  
_  
“Okay okay. Does this person know? Have they said they don’t love you back? Is that what's upsetting you?”  
  
No need, Jordan says to himself. And yes.   
“No. I haven’t even told him because there is no way it can ever be. No sense in ruining everything between us.”

Attention anchored on Jordan, Tyler lowers his voice. The phone on the table vibrates, Josh’s face filling the screen, but Tyler reaches to decline the call. He'll text him in a bit.   
“Jordan, look at me.”  
Reluctantly, his large doe eyes travel back to the man before him. Raw hurt glitters in those dark orbs and it tears Tyler up. His breath catches a second.  
  
“I think either way you’re hurting, Jordan. You won’t get over this if you don’t get it off your chest. If it’s truly impossible at least you’ll know for sure and you can slowly move on.”

Jordan nods slowly, and scoffs._ Maybe I don’t want to move on, Tyler. Maybe I want to be stuck right here loving you forever.  
  
__

Jordan’s is a flittering stare, doesn’t stay in one place. As nervous as it's desperate.   
  
“It’s too complicated, Ty. Trust me. There's another person involved as well.”  
It's always complicated, Tyler thinks. Jesus, how long did it finally take for him and Josh to get together?  
  
“Even if they don’t love you back, I’m sure they’d be flattered to be loved by someone as special as you.”  
“You--- " Jordan stutters, "You think I’m _special?_”  
  
Jordan’s widening pupils and incredulous tone officially break Tyler. Cupping his chin, Tyler searches his upturned face. There's so much expectation in his heart, isn't there?  
“Of course, Jordy. Of course. I’ve known you so long. You’re intelligent, handsome and kind and-“

It happens so quickly not even Tyler sees it coming. Jordan lunges forward and kisses Tyler full on the mouth, hungrily, devouring its softness. _He does taste like chapstick._  
When he realizes what he’s done, it’s too late.

Tyler stiffens- for a split second it’s almost like kissing Josh... the same pouty lower lip and stubbly chin... they sort of smell alike… and Christ that tongue sweep (that must be a Dun thing!) ... but then he comes back to his senses and gently pulls away. Gently, because he doesn't want to refuse Jordan with a push. 

Lips still slick and hanging open... Jordan says something, but nothing comes out of his quivering mouth. His chest is heaving, hands trembling at his sides.  
Tyler raises two fingers to his own lips; he can still taste the faint traces of alcohol on them.  
  
Realization hits, and Jordan gasps. He covers his mouth with two fanned hands.

“Oh my god Tyler I’m so sorry OH MY GOD!“  
Muscles jumping under his skin, Jordan starts. A thousand panicked thoughts take over and suddenly the room is spinning for another reason.   
  
Poor thing, Tyler thinks. No wonder he’s been acting out and beside himself. How could he have carried this weight for so long?! The shock isn't as great as Jordan might think. Tyler's quiet calm is oddly one born of hindsight.   
Before he rambles and loses control, Tyler reassures Jordan with a raised hand and kind words.  
“It’s okay, hon. It’s okay.”  
  
**It’s not! It’s not, though!** Jordan wants to shout. How can it be okay when he’s just kissed his brother’s fiancé… ?! And God help him, it was better than anything he could have imagined!  
  
Maybe if he imagines instead that he’ll disappear into the background, than they can pretend this never happened. Perhaps that would work because there's no other way out of this.   
  
Tilting his head, Tyler smiles weakly. “You're in love with me, aren't you, Jordan?”   
It’s a stupid question, the kid just kissed him. But Tyler has to ask. He needs a straight answer.  
  
Barely a nod into his open palms, Jordan whispers from behind trellised fingers.  
“_Yes_.”  
_

  
“Oh Jordan...” Tyler doesn’t distance himself. He knows the kiss was an impulsive mistake. Instead, he closes the gap between them and envelopes Jordan’s hands in his. This might make things worse but he needs to know he hasn't been rejected violently or from a place of anger. 

“Oh my god Tyler,” Jordan pleads. “I ruined everything. I’m not stupid, I know you and Josh are perfect and I’d never- I don’t know what came over me. It’s just I can’t help how I feel. I’ve been trying to kill it- and bury it, but it just keeps coming back and coming back.”  
Poor pup... Tyler's heart sinks. His face softens to his despair. 

From behind long, wet lashes that blink furiously, one last glimmer of hope lights up Jordan's countenance.  
“_Does a universe exist where you could ever love me, Tyler_?”   
The question is layered in misery and soaked in desperate need. Despite his transgression, Tyler doesn’t take offence to it. He's actually extremely stricken by it. This has been a nightmare for Jordan. He sees that now. 

“Sweetheart... There is. If I didn’t have Josh, I’d be honored to be with a man like you."   
It's the truth. The Duns were raised so well, they're so good-hearted and caring. Tyler could do a lot worse than either Dun brother.  
  
Jordan can't believe it... his spirits soar, just for a moment, along with Tyler's beautiful words still afloat on the air between them.  
"I care for you so much, Jordy. And you know what, you’re a catch, you hear me? You’re a catch. You’re a Dun, dammit!"  
  
He tilts his chin up, brushing away his tears. Someone could take up residence in those deep, chocolate eyes of his, Jordan thinks. Tyler's managed to pull him out of the tormented, murky waters where he's been drowning for years and all it took was one kiss and a lot of compassion.   
  
"Thanks, Ty," he mutters shyly. "I'll get over this. I don't want things to be weird between us. Now that you know, it'll be easier. Now that you know."   
  
"I understand, Jordan. I get it because I’m so in love with your brother there are times I can barely breathe. I know what that feels like, and I’m so sorry I can’t love you back like that _in this universe_. But some guy or girl will come along and make you so happy...”

“Like Josh makes you happy?” he interjects, hearts for eyes.   
  
“Exactly. Like Josh.”

Jordan collects himself, makes a little origami figure of his own limbs before having the courage to look Tyler in the face again. “I’m not insane. I know this could never be. I could never break Josh’s heart like that and betray you both. I guess... I guess I just I wanted to know if you could ever see anything in me is all.”

Tyler raises his arms and throws them around his neck. Jordan straightens himself, too afraid to be near his mouth again.   
  
“I do Jordan. Much of what I love about Josh is part of who you are, too. Which is why I know someone is out there for you who’s going to make you so much happier than I ever could.”

Jordan hopes so. He really, really does.   
“I’m sorry Tyler.. I’m sorry if I messed this up.” There’s more than just an apologetic glance between them. Tyler pulls him in for an embrace.  
“Hey come here; you didn’t mess anything up, okay? We’re going to be family soon and I-“  
  
Tyler pats him sweetly on the back, feeling Jordan finally relax into him with a deep exhale.

When he's sure he's not going to try and kiss Tyler again, he lets himself edge back.  
“No Tyler. We’re not going to be family soon, we already are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In all honesty, I had planned for this fic to be darker. The ambiguity of the first chapter stemmed from my initial intention to have Jordan actually be in love with his brother. A sort of unrequited Duncest. There would have been sex abuse back stories on the part of a family friend, Josh becoming a protector and savior figure for Jordan, to the point where Jordan falls in love with him despite all morals, logic, and reason.  
That would have entailed a lot more emotional involvement than I'm able to handle right now, so I apologize if the second chapter is rather predictable and expected. At least I'm able to finish it officially and I still hope the emotional element on Jordan's side of things was satisfactory. 
> 
> Please do feel free to kudo and comment! I appreciate every single one. I'm still not ready to give up on the Joshler ship so stay tuned, as I always circle back.

**Author's Note:**

> Title and lyrcis from James Arthur's "Empty Space." Lyrics from "Can I Be Him" as well.  
Quotation from an Italian writer, Italo Calvino.


End file.
